Being in photos has always been a dreaded thing for me. From a young age, I knew if I had to be in a picture, I had to look my absolute best. Of course I still do, but it’s not as much an anxious thing anymore. When “selfies” became a thing, having pictures of me everywhere, felt like a society pressure. I had to take selfies, I had to be seen doing things in places, and could never avoid the camera. To create a safety behaviour, I started with half face selfies. I’ve always believed the right side of my face looks better in pictures in comparison to my left, and I don’t know why. Also, half a face is always easier to edit, and no I will never deny my photos aren’t edited, because they are. I feel more comfortable having them edited to a degree.
I used to be told I dressed younger than I look. I’ve always enjoyed jeans, converse, a tshirt and a fleece type jacket. Friends would be wearing boots, fancy blouses and other things, but I never felt comfortable being like that, nor could I find anything in these categories that suited my body shape. Also having a baby face never helped that opinion either.
All my life, I’ve had issues with my looks. My character and personality, not so much. I’ve always embraced who I am as a person, and love sharing my self worth stories. But the way I look will always be an issue. I’ve always wanted to be this pretty, skinny girl. Over years, I’ve contemplated extreme things to get there, but my anxiety has always told me “no” [It was actually good for one thing!]. But over the last year or two, I’ve learnt to embrace my looks, at a steady space of course.
And this year, I’ve started taking more full face photos. I’ve took the plunge, and why? Maybe it’s because my makeup skills have improved immensely, or I’ve just started to love the way I look and ditched the Slimming World. Over the past 4 years, I’ve developed a lot of support by my side. I have a loving partner, loving parents and of course, I got another love of my life Sox the Spoodle. So my self-consciousness has took a back burner, and it has me living my life in the fast lane, and the response from others is great.
We are taught in society, that being overweight/plus size is a sin. That, if we are in this category, that taking photos is glamorising it, and while I don’t support people who are overweight and continue to glamorise it (such as sitting videoing themselves eating cake, rather than teaching girls in the same situation, that’s okay to be the way they are), I do support showing off different body sizes. What about girls who are trying to lose weight or get healthy. Should they hide themselves away until they’re the perfect BMI? Should they not feel comfortable in their own skin until they’re classed as “skinny” [And of course, this works in the other spectrum of being underweight]. So I’ve finally accepted, I am not meant to hide myself away, but to embrace and show others that it’s okay to show your full face. You will not die. The world will not end. Your life and world will only just begin.