Dear Future Self…

Most bloggers, specifically those who are chronically ill, write to their past self. One example was Emilia Clarke (plays Deanerys in Game of Thrones) wrote a letter to her 18 year old self, explaining relationships, dreams and other things she learnt as she grown up. Bur what about writing to our older self? Wouldn’t you want to at least hope for better in the future?
Today my blog post is going to be a letter to myself. Now I guess I better choose an age to write to? I’m going to choose the age…25. Now this is only 6 years away, but 25 years old was quite significant to me, as I had this superstition when I was younger that this was when I was going to die (Weird isn’t it? I had a strange childhood.)
Lets begin…
Dear Amy-Lou,
Hopefully now you’re 25, you’ve reached a point in life were you know where your life is going, and I hope you’ve achieved a goal, one of many I’m sure as you’ve always been quite indecisive on what you aspire to be, whether it was a politician, a teacher or race car driver (I’m sure 5 year old Amy is now buzzing inside of you, she would be so happy if you truly became a race car driver.) 
What’s it like in the year 2022? Nothing changed I’m guessing? I bet Impractical Jokers is still on, gosh I love that show. How cute is Sal? And bet you’re sitting on the couch, laptop on your knee, in your own home watching Friends on Comedy Central. Typical day huh? I hope you read this on a Saturday and you’re working young woman! Gosh I sound like Dad right? Sadly you were more like him than you think when you were younger, but I bet you still have that nasty temper and irish wit. It it was it is, so it?;)
Did you go back to college? Remember we dropped out? Dad always thrown apprenticeships and jobs at you, but remember it was always a dream to get A-Levels. Maybe Uni wasn’t in the question (or maybe it was, well done!) but you always wanted to be proud of yourself, and no matter what I’m sure I’m reading this smiling know I’ve come far and got to where I wanted to be by 25. Remember being 13 and thinking “Oh wow I’m going to die at 25”. I cant remember why we thought that, we always had an irrational fear of things including failure, but remember where ever we end up, we tried our hardest.
Expectantly you’re in a committed relationship? I hope it’s with Daniel, because I cant see you’s breaking up, but hey this is 6 years down the road now, and everyone is bound to go through heartbreak, but I have it in my heart that you now have a ring on your finger off him, or even already married. If not; Hello to the new guy! You best had be treating me right! Does he understand you? Please tell me he helps you with your illnesses? Get him to read my other post on invisible illnesses, Daniel read it, and he completely understood remember.
Sadly I wish to discuss this, and I hope this doesn’t make you cry but children. Did you get new fertility tests? Are you sure you’re infertile? Please tell me you’ve already had your first child? I hope little Peter or Frankie is running round the living room, playing with their little toy Simba, and watching Disney films like Aristocats like you used to love watching when you were a child. If there isn’t a child, I swear to god you best had  be trying, although I’ll be proud of you whether you adopt or just don’t have children. You’ll always have Joseph, Izabella, Ollie and the new baba (to be announced 2016), although they’ll all be near their teenage years by then.
Do you have a full diagnosis of your problems? I’m guessing Mum still calls you a hypochondriac, (of course remember it’s our own little joke). If anyone else calls you it, punch them! (Please don’t violence is not the answer), but only Mum can call you it. Hopefully the doctors have finally done more tests, maybe another operation because these pains at the minute are excruciating! Seriously though, you best not have given up, never let these illnesses defeat you and never let anyone tell you otherwise, although you’re now an adult, you’ve had these pains for what now? Over…14 years? Now is not the time to be defeated!! 
So I guess my work is done..right? Hoping that you read this and fulfilled everything I set out to do. Maybe show the kids? Show them that even at 18, you were thinking of the future. Tomorrow is a new day, and a new step to where you want to be. If  by 25 you still have a long way to go, maybe write a letter to your 35 year old self? It might help a little.
♡ 18 year old, Amy-Lou 

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